Less than two hours until...

MY BIRTHDAY! :) Yee!


I'm super stoked! I'm turning SEVENTEEN baby! You know what that means....rated R movies, rated M games and hella other shit shit. Wow, I sound hella nerdy. Oh well, IDGAF! :)

Rizal sent me a text message earlier that made me smile/giggle.

Rizal: Baby you're almost 17!
Me: YAY! I'm excited :)
Rizal: My Baby's growing up!

I can't wait for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. What am I doing those days you ask? Well I might as well tell you.

• Thursday: Birthday dinner with the family.
• Friday: Small get together at my house.
• Saturday: Berkeley!

Super excited! :D!

The next time I blog I'll post up pictures :)

Bang, bang, bang, straight through my heart. <3

Hella catchy song. I love it. <3
So much went on today. I'm so exausted. Listening to music while talking to Katya on aim. My mind feels so empty. School sucked all of my brain power away. I hate school. It really needs to end.


Waiting for summer 2009!


Basketball game today. We won. Awesome isn't it? :)


We played for the AASU Black History month thing. I guess our performance was alright I still think we should've played Adrenaline Attack instead of Night Train. But whatevs. Nez has his reason's I guess.


My birthday's next Wednesday. I'm stoked. Seventeen Baby!


I'm...so...sleepy...I think I'm going to bed now. Nighty Night.

Sunday morning rain is falling.

It is in fact Sunday, and rain is falling. But the title of this blog is actually a song :) A song I'm listening to. I like to sing this song out loud like a total idiot. Haha. I haven't blogged in a while, so I thought today was a perfect opportunity to do so. I've been so busy lately its like I haven't even had time to breathe! Last week was just hell week for me. So much to do in so little time. I'm so glad THATS over. Hopefully I got a decent grade on my research paper. That was a lot of work. In all I had to print 12 pages! Geeezus.

So. Lets see if I can put the past week in a nutshell.

Well, on Monday I had rehearsals and that lasted way longer than it should have. At the end of rehearsals it felt like my brain was sucked out. Haha. On Tuesday I had trombone lessons afterschool and I stayed up till like 2-3ish working on the freaking research paper. Wednesday, we had rehearsals and a concert after that. On top of all that, I had to do my Environmental Science practice test. I stayed up till like 12:30 for that. Thursday, was supposed to be my relaxing day, but noooo, Nez decided to switch the game from Friday to Thursday so I was out till 9 at the game. Finally it was Friday, and I was able to relax *aaaahhhh* :) Now that was nice. Haha.

Oh! And Valentines Day! The day where everybody's all lovey dovey.

Rizal surprised me with this :)

Well, the original plan was to go out for lunch, and then maybe go back to my house so we can cook dinner together. The plan didn't exactly go that way. Rizal got sick on Friday so we ended up stay at his house. I took care of him and while he was napping I hung out with his parents. Not exactly what I had in mind, but it was okay. I had a lot of fun :D

We don't have school for the rest of this week! Yessss! It's just the vacation I needed. Usually at this time of the year I would be in Tahoe, but since my dad got a new job he can't get time off of work. I'm bummed about that, but its okay :)

I have work to do during the break though. How lame is that?! I have to make a poster board for a presentation in Ganick's class and do some carbon footprint online for Harris' class which is supposed to be easy. Whoopdeedoo...I should be studying for the SATs too. Ughh. Being a junior really does suck. Hella bad. Hopefully I'll be able to survive!

The viewing...

I haven't told many this, with an exception of my close friends...
I found out on Friday that my Uncle passed away...He wasn't blood related to me, but I've known him pretty much ever since I was born.

Today is his viewing...

I don't really know what happens in the viewing, since I've never been to one before. The way my mom described it, it was basically a viewing of my uncle, for people to say their goodbyes.

I don't really know what to expect. When I found out on Friday I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. Only think I did do was cry. Rizal was there to comfort me, which helped me out a lot. We had a pep band game that night, and my mom told me I shouldn't go since I was so sad, but I went anyway. I thought I was going to be okay, but when we got there I couldn't help but start crying again. I cried for about 15-20 mins, and I let it all out.

I realized that night, that when you're friends with the right people, they can make everything better. Even people that didn't know what happened comforted me. It was nice. And I am grateful for that. I remember Lizzie coming up to me asking if I was okay, and I told her what happened, and I remember her saying that she didn't really know what to say, and even though she didn't know what to say that was perfectly fine because I knew that If I needed her she would be there for me.

I only told a handful of people for the fact that:

• I didn't think I could bring it up without crying.
• I didn't wanna seem like an attention whore. (Like somebody)
• I didn't think it was something everyone needed to know.

Hopefully I won't be crying up a storm...We'll see shall we?

My Weekend

I have nothing better to do so I decided to blog. Always a good thing to do when you're bored.
My weekend has been quite entertaining. Especially yesterday. Yesterday was awesome.

We went to Berkeley for Lizzie's birthday. It was so much fun. I had boba at the Sweetheart Cafe. It was soooo good! I haven't had boba in so long. Haha. We went to a lot of different stores and Lizzie bought a jacket. We chilled there for a couple hours. I was trying to find punch buggies so I could hit Lizzie or Katya, cuz they were kicking my ass at that game. (I didn't find any...) It was getting dark so we decided to go to the Bart station and go home.

When we got to the El Cerrito Del Norte station we got off and waited for the bus to go back to Pinole. It was already dark and we had like 10 minutes until the bus was SUPPOSED to come (which it came late! UGH!) We decided to take pictures to kill time which is always fun. This freaking creeper dude came up to us and totally killed our moment. He was hella weird and was saying some shakespeare shit and was like preaching to us. Wtfack right?! Then he came hella close to lizzie and was asking for her number and shit. EW! When Liz said no he asked me and Katya. Whatta WEIRDO! Luckly for us he went away after that. I swear all the creepers come out at night!

Finally AFTER the dude leaves, the bus came and we went back to Pinole and went to Happy Sashimi and ate yummy food. Lizzie was hella admiring our waitress. She was cool ^_^ It was so freaking cold when we left! We went into Walgreens after to get warm. We laughed so hard in there. Haha. Lizzie's still my hoe. Haha (;

Yesterday was lots of fun.
Next week if we're all free we're gna go to the Bay! Yee! I haven't been there in so long!


Ugh, now I have to go to school tomorrow. Wtfack?! Fck school.

Oh! And I saw hella punchbuggies today! Omgaaah and Katya & Lizzie wasn't with me. DAAAAAAMN. Haha

I should do my stupid homework and practice for once. lol.





Until next time ^_^

Hopefully one day...

Hopefully one day, I can learn to fully let go.

To fully let go of everything I keep with me. The things that I wish not to keep anymore.
Is it really worth it? Is it really worth it to try hard to get back what you once lost? Maybe not. Maybe its a lost cause. Just a memory that you cannot get back. I wish everyday for things to go back. Back to the way they were. I see now that it will not happen that way. Over time, I'll learn to accept that. Hopefully sooner than later. There's always going to be that void in my heart.

Some moments, I talk to you, and things seem back to normal, and I feel like theres a slight chance of hope that things will really go back to the way they were. As time goes by I see that all I have is false hope. It saddens me everytime, but thats my fault. My own fault because I decided to never give up. To never give up on our friendship. My persistance seems to have failed me.

I just...can't see to ask you...just that one question...do you even want to be my friend anymore?
I think the reason I can't is because well, I'm afraid of the answer. Someday I will, regardless of what the answer might be, I'll find out the answer to that question.


....maybe I shouldn't try anymore? Maybe I should just give up? As much as its hard for me to do, I might actually do so...

The sudden urge to blog.

I haven't done this in a while, so I thought today would be a better day than ever to do so.

So, where shall I start?

Oh, I know. Last night. I did some contemplating last night. Which was...well sad to me. There's this void in my heart that I can't seem to fill. In the end, I know that that place can't be filled. Well at least not by just anybody. People come to me all the time, asking for advice, or just venting out their problems. That's always fine with me, but I came to the realization that I can't do the same with them. I can't just tell anybody whats on my mind. I'm not as open as some others. I have a hard time talking to people on that level, and I don't know why.
I try so hard to keep myself together, but sometimes, there are some days where I can't. Some days where I just have to let it all out.
I'll admit it. I can be a chicken. I'm afraid of saying whats on my mind. I'm afraid of what will come out of it. I just let it be and hope it will all change for the better. As my sister says, I can be a pushover. I'm "too nice" to say whats on my mind. Hopefully one day I can change all that. Be as bold as I want to be and speak my mind.

I watched Tristan & Isolde last night. It's one of my new favorites. It was a tragic love story that was very much like Romeo and Juliet. As I watched it, I realized that their love was real and genuine. I'm not going to lie, I cried at the end of this movie. When you watch this movie like most movies, you get attached to the characters. It's as if you can relate to them in some sense. Whether its the love that they share, or the events that takes place. This is one of the few movies that made me cry a lot. It was that good.