What a day...

It's almost 1am, and I'm still up. I can't sleep. It's probably due to the nap I took earlier today. Today was such a stressful day. I have so much work to do it's overwhelming. I'm so tired of school. I'm tired of a lot of things really.

I have projects due in two of my classes next week that require a whole bunch of work. I have concerts and on top of all that our end of the year ESA presentations are next week as well. There's so much in my mind, I don't even know where to start. Lets start with ESA shall we? I love my ESA classes and the people (for the most part), but I'm starting to get so sick of some people in my group. The "president" of our group doesn't do shit and our "vice president" is NEVER at meetings or anything. What does that mean? That means I have to take over and do the work. I don't mind it, but they don't show the effort and try to take credit. I hate that so much. Presentations are next week like I said earlier and we're doing everything we can to make it a good one.

Also, I figured out that now there is a big complication (oh boy). The ESA presentation and the Area Festival are the same day. They conflict in time. My teachers picked me & katya to be the MCs for the night. I was so excited, but then realized I had a concert that night. I tried to talk to nez, but he wouldn't hear it. He didn't compromise with us or anything. Its so upsetting. I don't understand why I can't go to my presentation. I have an important role, and on top of that its worth 20% of my grade in 4 of my classes! I go to EVERY single band event. I do EVERYTHING I'm told to. I take SO MUCH abuse and I ask for one thing, and I can't do it. I'm so sick of it!

Oh top of all that, there are other issues I have to deal with. I cried today so bad. I haven't cried that bad since....well since my uncle passed away. So much stress. So much pressure. I don't know what to do anymore. It just came to the point where all I could do was cry. Its all just so overwhelming. I can't wait till school is over.

There was one person that really made things better. I appreciated all the people asking if I was okay, but there was still just that one person and that person was Rizal. When I cried all he did was hug me tight. He let me cry and was there for me through it all. It showed me he cared and I felt loved.

BAM BAM BOOM!

Okay, my title for this blog was just random.
Anywho, I haven't updated in so long! Since it's spring break and all its a perfect time to do so. I don't have much time to update right at this moment. I have an orthodontist appointment soon. I think afterwards I'm going bowling. I haven't been bowling in so long. I'm going to suck at it. Just watch. Haha. Well I have to run. I'll blog more later :)

Rest In Peace :(

So...you guys might already know this already if you've watched the news or listened to the radio that they found Sandra Cantu dead.

This really bothered me...I mean I was hoping for a happy ending and for this little girl to go home to her family. It's a scary thought that one day your loved one is there, and the next they're not. I can't even imagine what her family has to go through...my heart goes out to them.
What going on in our world? What's with this madness? The violence and now this? It's all over the news how violence is rising. It all needs to stop. First the officers killed in Oakland, now in Pittsburgh too? A man killing his children and then himself? Another man killing innocent people? People dying...but why?

All of this troubles me inside...I still can't get over the fact that the poor innocent little girl is dead. She was much too young and had her whole life ahead of her...and somebody took that away from her. Nobody deserves to be stuffed in some luggage. NOBODY. It's just so sad...



..........really, what has our world come to?











Rest In Peace little one.

Wow, what a blow.

So I've done a lot of thinking today...
About myself, and other people as well. How things have changed..People are different, including myself. I've had someone (whose name shall not be named) basically stating that our friendship wasn't all that important, well he didn't say that, but he didn't need to. Does having a significant other really matter so much that you don't need your friends? I find it funny that he/she had to tell me what you said. I want to see if you can say that to my face. This is why I'm afraid of becoming closer with a friend and considering them good friends or even bestfriends. My friends are like family to me, I keep them close to my heart, and when something like this happens, it breaks my heart. It really does. I'm there for my friends when they need me, or at least I try my best to be, is it too much to ask for them to return the favor? I don't know...I'm just going to go to bed now. Good night.

Revenge is sweeter than you ever were.

I should be finishing my homework, but I had an instant urge to blog, so I decided to do that instead.
I've been thinking lately, about a lot of things. At first they were mainly negative thoughts, but now that has changed for the most part. All the negatives are turning into positives. Yes there are things that I wish at times were different, and things I want in life that I don't have, but then again I think some more and I realize what I have now are all good things. Whats the point of sitting around wishing you had more when what you have right in front of you good enough as it is. I'm not exactly sure why the sudden change in thought, but hey it's positive so I don't mind it. High school is so...juvenile. I mean kids go to school and argue, talk shit, and do all these other negative things that get them in trouble. Whats the point? So what if they talk about you? So what if they try to start stuff? Is it really worth it? I mean after high school you're probably never going to see that person again.


I can't believe it's already the end of March, the years almost over and I'm going to be a senior. How crazy is that. People weren't lying when they said that high school goes by fast. It really does. Next year is going to be so different. I'm excited yet afraid at the same time. Am I ready for it? I hope so. Life throws so much at you, some good, some bad, but everything that is thrown at you is an experience. It would either better you as a person or do the complete opposite. Its up to you on how you take it and handle it.


I've been through so much as it is throughout high school, in the beginning a lot of those things were pretty bad, but it was my choice to do those things, it was my choice to cut a lot of school, it was my choice to let my grades slip, it was my choice to make stupid mistakes that left my heart in pieces, but in the end I decided to pick up the pieces and better myself as a person. The person I was when I entered high school, and the person I am now are two completely different people.


I like the person I've become. I've learned to accept and love myself for how I am.


*On a side note*
I really want a polaroid camera. I might actually invest in one. It seems like a fun thing to have. I just need money for it though.







Well that's enough of me blogging about my thoughts for now. Until next time.

I hate school. So VERY much.

I haven't blogged in a while. Thats bad on my part. Sorry! I've been so busy with school, and the musical. I got so behind in school because of the musical. Doing the musical is fun, but just so much work. I didn't know we had to put in so much time into it. Now I know. In all, it's a great experience though. I got to learn the bass trombone so its all good :)

I just got over my cold this week. (FINALLY) I was sick for TWO WEEKS! That was super lame. I had to do so much make-up work. I did manage to get a lot of it done. I'm super stressed out though. Junior year has brought me nothing but stress. Ugh. I can't wait till its over. I doubt next year will be any better though...more responsibilities next year...in band and now ESA. Greeeat. Haha. Its okay though :)

I wasn't going to make this blog very long since I have more work to do. I just wanted to take a little break.


Well I should be a good girl and finish the rest of the work I need to do.



I'll try to keep this thing updated. Until next time :)

I hate being sick :(

I haven't posted a thing since the 3rd, and now its the 10th. Wow, where the hell have I been this past week? Oh yeah, I know. Busy like always. Story of my life.

So I said I was going to write about my birthday. Well since I didn't do so, here it goes!

Wednesday(my actual birthday) A whole bunch of people greeted me which is always nice. I got a whole bunch of sweets too! I had musical rehearsals which was the only downside. A bit after rehearsals all us musical kids decided to go to Applebee's which was pretty awesome.

Thursday I went out to dinner with my family. We decided on going to the House of Prime Ribs in San Francisco. The place with hearty portions and an expensive price (which is so worth it!)

Friday My family came over for what you can call a party I guess. I haven't seen them in such a long time so it was nice to see them all. On top of all that I got to see Rizal, Lizzie, Melody, and Katya. I got caked pretty good by Lizzie and that damn red dye stained my face for a bit! Not cool at all. (which reminds me I think we still have that cake!)

Saturday Katya, Lizzie, and Melody spent the night and we decided to go to Berkeley. Andrew came along with us and we took the bart there. Lizzie bought me some boba and we had lunch at Chipotles! It was a lot of fun. I found out that at Zebras you don't need parent permission to get a piercing (depending on what you want) how cool is that? I bough a couple things there too. We ended up coming back and going to Happy Sashimi for dinner.

Sunday I was "supposed" to practice and do some homework but I ended up not doing that. Instead Katya came to pick me up with Lizzie in the car since she had her L's She drove us places. It was so much fun and it was exciting to see her drive!

That pretty much sums it all up. Now I'm sick. How lame is that? My birthday week is over and I have to be sick. Wtf?! I have so much to do to...I can't afford to be sick. District band rehearsal & concert on Thursday and all day rehearsals for The Wiz on Friday.


Then comes hell week...



I don't think I'm going to go to school tomorrow. I felt like passing out like three or four times today and I had a fever too. Yeah, I think staying home might be a good idea. I might just go to musical rehearsals after school.

Typing all this up made me really sleepy all of the sudden. Maybe I should go take a nap or something. I'll update this post another time with pictures.

Less than two hours until...

MY BIRTHDAY! :) Yee!


I'm super stoked! I'm turning SEVENTEEN baby! You know what that means....rated R movies, rated M games and hella other shit shit. Wow, I sound hella nerdy. Oh well, IDGAF! :)

Rizal sent me a text message earlier that made me smile/giggle.

Rizal: Baby you're almost 17!
Me: YAY! I'm excited :)
Rizal: My Baby's growing up!

I can't wait for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. What am I doing those days you ask? Well I might as well tell you.

• Thursday: Birthday dinner with the family.
• Friday: Small get together at my house.
• Saturday: Berkeley!

Super excited! :D!

The next time I blog I'll post up pictures :)

Bang, bang, bang, straight through my heart. <3

Hella catchy song. I love it. <3
So much went on today. I'm so exausted. Listening to music while talking to Katya on aim. My mind feels so empty. School sucked all of my brain power away. I hate school. It really needs to end.


Waiting for summer 2009!


Basketball game today. We won. Awesome isn't it? :)


We played for the AASU Black History month thing. I guess our performance was alright I still think we should've played Adrenaline Attack instead of Night Train. But whatevs. Nez has his reason's I guess.


My birthday's next Wednesday. I'm stoked. Seventeen Baby!


I'm...so...sleepy...I think I'm going to bed now. Nighty Night.

Sunday morning rain is falling.

It is in fact Sunday, and rain is falling. But the title of this blog is actually a song :) A song I'm listening to. I like to sing this song out loud like a total idiot. Haha. I haven't blogged in a while, so I thought today was a perfect opportunity to do so. I've been so busy lately its like I haven't even had time to breathe! Last week was just hell week for me. So much to do in so little time. I'm so glad THATS over. Hopefully I got a decent grade on my research paper. That was a lot of work. In all I had to print 12 pages! Geeezus.

So. Lets see if I can put the past week in a nutshell.

Well, on Monday I had rehearsals and that lasted way longer than it should have. At the end of rehearsals it felt like my brain was sucked out. Haha. On Tuesday I had trombone lessons afterschool and I stayed up till like 2-3ish working on the freaking research paper. Wednesday, we had rehearsals and a concert after that. On top of all that, I had to do my Environmental Science practice test. I stayed up till like 12:30 for that. Thursday, was supposed to be my relaxing day, but noooo, Nez decided to switch the game from Friday to Thursday so I was out till 9 at the game. Finally it was Friday, and I was able to relax *aaaahhhh* :) Now that was nice. Haha.

Oh! And Valentines Day! The day where everybody's all lovey dovey.

Rizal surprised me with this :)

Well, the original plan was to go out for lunch, and then maybe go back to my house so we can cook dinner together. The plan didn't exactly go that way. Rizal got sick on Friday so we ended up stay at his house. I took care of him and while he was napping I hung out with his parents. Not exactly what I had in mind, but it was okay. I had a lot of fun :D

We don't have school for the rest of this week! Yessss! It's just the vacation I needed. Usually at this time of the year I would be in Tahoe, but since my dad got a new job he can't get time off of work. I'm bummed about that, but its okay :)

I have work to do during the break though. How lame is that?! I have to make a poster board for a presentation in Ganick's class and do some carbon footprint online for Harris' class which is supposed to be easy. Whoopdeedoo...I should be studying for the SATs too. Ughh. Being a junior really does suck. Hella bad. Hopefully I'll be able to survive!

The viewing...

I haven't told many this, with an exception of my close friends...
I found out on Friday that my Uncle passed away...He wasn't blood related to me, but I've known him pretty much ever since I was born.

Today is his viewing...

I don't really know what happens in the viewing, since I've never been to one before. The way my mom described it, it was basically a viewing of my uncle, for people to say their goodbyes.

I don't really know what to expect. When I found out on Friday I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. Only think I did do was cry. Rizal was there to comfort me, which helped me out a lot. We had a pep band game that night, and my mom told me I shouldn't go since I was so sad, but I went anyway. I thought I was going to be okay, but when we got there I couldn't help but start crying again. I cried for about 15-20 mins, and I let it all out.

I realized that night, that when you're friends with the right people, they can make everything better. Even people that didn't know what happened comforted me. It was nice. And I am grateful for that. I remember Lizzie coming up to me asking if I was okay, and I told her what happened, and I remember her saying that she didn't really know what to say, and even though she didn't know what to say that was perfectly fine because I knew that If I needed her she would be there for me.

I only told a handful of people for the fact that:

• I didn't think I could bring it up without crying.
• I didn't wanna seem like an attention whore. (Like somebody)
• I didn't think it was something everyone needed to know.

Hopefully I won't be crying up a storm...We'll see shall we?

My Weekend

I have nothing better to do so I decided to blog. Always a good thing to do when you're bored.
My weekend has been quite entertaining. Especially yesterday. Yesterday was awesome.

We went to Berkeley for Lizzie's birthday. It was so much fun. I had boba at the Sweetheart Cafe. It was soooo good! I haven't had boba in so long. Haha. We went to a lot of different stores and Lizzie bought a jacket. We chilled there for a couple hours. I was trying to find punch buggies so I could hit Lizzie or Katya, cuz they were kicking my ass at that game. (I didn't find any...) It was getting dark so we decided to go to the Bart station and go home.

When we got to the El Cerrito Del Norte station we got off and waited for the bus to go back to Pinole. It was already dark and we had like 10 minutes until the bus was SUPPOSED to come (which it came late! UGH!) We decided to take pictures to kill time which is always fun. This freaking creeper dude came up to us and totally killed our moment. He was hella weird and was saying some shakespeare shit and was like preaching to us. Wtfack right?! Then he came hella close to lizzie and was asking for her number and shit. EW! When Liz said no he asked me and Katya. Whatta WEIRDO! Luckly for us he went away after that. I swear all the creepers come out at night!

Finally AFTER the dude leaves, the bus came and we went back to Pinole and went to Happy Sashimi and ate yummy food. Lizzie was hella admiring our waitress. She was cool ^_^ It was so freaking cold when we left! We went into Walgreens after to get warm. We laughed so hard in there. Haha. Lizzie's still my hoe. Haha (;

Yesterday was lots of fun.
Next week if we're all free we're gna go to the Bay! Yee! I haven't been there in so long!


Ugh, now I have to go to school tomorrow. Wtfack?! Fck school.

Oh! And I saw hella punchbuggies today! Omgaaah and Katya & Lizzie wasn't with me. DAAAAAAMN. Haha

I should do my stupid homework and practice for once. lol.





Until next time ^_^

Hopefully one day...

Hopefully one day, I can learn to fully let go.

To fully let go of everything I keep with me. The things that I wish not to keep anymore.
Is it really worth it? Is it really worth it to try hard to get back what you once lost? Maybe not. Maybe its a lost cause. Just a memory that you cannot get back. I wish everyday for things to go back. Back to the way they were. I see now that it will not happen that way. Over time, I'll learn to accept that. Hopefully sooner than later. There's always going to be that void in my heart.

Some moments, I talk to you, and things seem back to normal, and I feel like theres a slight chance of hope that things will really go back to the way they were. As time goes by I see that all I have is false hope. It saddens me everytime, but thats my fault. My own fault because I decided to never give up. To never give up on our friendship. My persistance seems to have failed me.

I just...can't see to ask you...just that one question...do you even want to be my friend anymore?
I think the reason I can't is because well, I'm afraid of the answer. Someday I will, regardless of what the answer might be, I'll find out the answer to that question.


....maybe I shouldn't try anymore? Maybe I should just give up? As much as its hard for me to do, I might actually do so...

The sudden urge to blog.

I haven't done this in a while, so I thought today would be a better day than ever to do so.

So, where shall I start?

Oh, I know. Last night. I did some contemplating last night. Which was...well sad to me. There's this void in my heart that I can't seem to fill. In the end, I know that that place can't be filled. Well at least not by just anybody. People come to me all the time, asking for advice, or just venting out their problems. That's always fine with me, but I came to the realization that I can't do the same with them. I can't just tell anybody whats on my mind. I'm not as open as some others. I have a hard time talking to people on that level, and I don't know why.
I try so hard to keep myself together, but sometimes, there are some days where I can't. Some days where I just have to let it all out.
I'll admit it. I can be a chicken. I'm afraid of saying whats on my mind. I'm afraid of what will come out of it. I just let it be and hope it will all change for the better. As my sister says, I can be a pushover. I'm "too nice" to say whats on my mind. Hopefully one day I can change all that. Be as bold as I want to be and speak my mind.

I watched Tristan & Isolde last night. It's one of my new favorites. It was a tragic love story that was very much like Romeo and Juliet. As I watched it, I realized that their love was real and genuine. I'm not going to lie, I cried at the end of this movie. When you watch this movie like most movies, you get attached to the characters. It's as if you can relate to them in some sense. Whether its the love that they share, or the events that takes place. This is one of the few movies that made me cry a lot. It was that good.