My Weekend

I have nothing better to do so I decided to blog. Always a good thing to do when you're bored.
My weekend has been quite entertaining. Especially yesterday. Yesterday was awesome.

We went to Berkeley for Lizzie's birthday. It was so much fun. I had boba at the Sweetheart Cafe. It was soooo good! I haven't had boba in so long. Haha. We went to a lot of different stores and Lizzie bought a jacket. We chilled there for a couple hours. I was trying to find punch buggies so I could hit Lizzie or Katya, cuz they were kicking my ass at that game. (I didn't find any...) It was getting dark so we decided to go to the Bart station and go home.

When we got to the El Cerrito Del Norte station we got off and waited for the bus to go back to Pinole. It was already dark and we had like 10 minutes until the bus was SUPPOSED to come (which it came late! UGH!) We decided to take pictures to kill time which is always fun. This freaking creeper dude came up to us and totally killed our moment. He was hella weird and was saying some shakespeare shit and was like preaching to us. Wtfack right?! Then he came hella close to lizzie and was asking for her number and shit. EW! When Liz said no he asked me and Katya. Whatta WEIRDO! Luckly for us he went away after that. I swear all the creepers come out at night!

Finally AFTER the dude leaves, the bus came and we went back to Pinole and went to Happy Sashimi and ate yummy food. Lizzie was hella admiring our waitress. She was cool ^_^ It was so freaking cold when we left! We went into Walgreens after to get warm. We laughed so hard in there. Haha. Lizzie's still my hoe. Haha (;

Yesterday was lots of fun.
Next week if we're all free we're gna go to the Bay! Yee! I haven't been there in so long!


Ugh, now I have to go to school tomorrow. Wtfack?! Fck school.

Oh! And I saw hella punchbuggies today! Omgaaah and Katya & Lizzie wasn't with me. DAAAAAAMN. Haha

I should do my stupid homework and practice for once. lol.





Until next time ^_^

Hopefully one day...

Hopefully one day, I can learn to fully let go.

To fully let go of everything I keep with me. The things that I wish not to keep anymore.
Is it really worth it? Is it really worth it to try hard to get back what you once lost? Maybe not. Maybe its a lost cause. Just a memory that you cannot get back. I wish everyday for things to go back. Back to the way they were. I see now that it will not happen that way. Over time, I'll learn to accept that. Hopefully sooner than later. There's always going to be that void in my heart.

Some moments, I talk to you, and things seem back to normal, and I feel like theres a slight chance of hope that things will really go back to the way they were. As time goes by I see that all I have is false hope. It saddens me everytime, but thats my fault. My own fault because I decided to never give up. To never give up on our friendship. My persistance seems to have failed me.

I just...can't see to ask you...just that one question...do you even want to be my friend anymore?
I think the reason I can't is because well, I'm afraid of the answer. Someday I will, regardless of what the answer might be, I'll find out the answer to that question.


....maybe I shouldn't try anymore? Maybe I should just give up? As much as its hard for me to do, I might actually do so...

The sudden urge to blog.

I haven't done this in a while, so I thought today would be a better day than ever to do so.

So, where shall I start?

Oh, I know. Last night. I did some contemplating last night. Which was...well sad to me. There's this void in my heart that I can't seem to fill. In the end, I know that that place can't be filled. Well at least not by just anybody. People come to me all the time, asking for advice, or just venting out their problems. That's always fine with me, but I came to the realization that I can't do the same with them. I can't just tell anybody whats on my mind. I'm not as open as some others. I have a hard time talking to people on that level, and I don't know why.
I try so hard to keep myself together, but sometimes, there are some days where I can't. Some days where I just have to let it all out.
I'll admit it. I can be a chicken. I'm afraid of saying whats on my mind. I'm afraid of what will come out of it. I just let it be and hope it will all change for the better. As my sister says, I can be a pushover. I'm "too nice" to say whats on my mind. Hopefully one day I can change all that. Be as bold as I want to be and speak my mind.

I watched Tristan & Isolde last night. It's one of my new favorites. It was a tragic love story that was very much like Romeo and Juliet. As I watched it, I realized that their love was real and genuine. I'm not going to lie, I cried at the end of this movie. When you watch this movie like most movies, you get attached to the characters. It's as if you can relate to them in some sense. Whether its the love that they share, or the events that takes place. This is one of the few movies that made me cry a lot. It was that good.

As time passes...

Time seems to just fly by. It's already November. I don't even know where the time is going. I'm already a junior in high school...I remember being a freshman. Seems like just yesterday. We all grow up, I know. I just don't think I'm ready. I don't think I'm ready to grow up and be thrown out into the real world.

I'm not ready for the change, I'm not even ready to be a senior. My boyfriend is a senior now which means he's going to be graduating. He's going to be going to college, and I'll be stuck in high school. I know we're not going to see each other much...I'm trying to prepare myself for that, but I don't think I can. Not seeing him everyday at school, not walking with him to class...its so...different. I've grown to get used to that. Since freshman year.

Recently I've been having dreams that he's going to leave me. He reassures me everytime that it won't happen, that he won't leave me. I do believe him, but it is constantly on the back of my mind. I'm afraid that something is going to happen to us, something that would make us break up. I really don't want that to happen. I don't know what I would do if that was to happen.

As time passes, I see myself getting closer to him. Not on a physical level, but an emotional level. Our hearts connects more and more. He holds my heart and I hold his. I know that high school relationships don't normally last. I know that people think its stupid and its not really love, but I know...for a fact, that this is love. This is the guy I can honestly see myself growing old with. He's the guy I want to marry and start a family with. He's helped me overcome so much. He made me a better person, and showed me what love really is.

I love the way he looks at me, the way he holds me, the way he kisses me, the way he hugs me, the way he sings to me and kisses my forehead while I'm sleeping, the little things he does to show me he cares. It's all endless. After all this time, he still gives me butterflies everytime I see him walking towards me.

I'm going to love him, forever and ever. Until the end of time...

No matter what.

The only guy in my life <3

I can’t honestly say I know what forever entails. I can tell you that its gonna be long. It’s gonna take a lot of hard work. We're gonna scream, and fight, and get so angry with each other it doesn’t make sense. But underneath it all, we're going to love each other like no one will ever understand. We're going to be the ones that can look at each other and just know- know beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is the real thing; that we're proving everyone wrong with every breath we take and every word we say; that the person angel next to us is the most amazing thing about our own existence; and how that fact will never ever change. That's the way it was on May 29, 2007, and that's the way it'll be on May 29, 2113. I love you Rizal- more than words could say; more than actions could express; more than a million people could ever hope to accomplish in their entire million lifetimes. you are my whole heart and soul, and that is something that can never, ever be taken away from me